


Ascension Missing Moments - Anders and Blackwall Reprise

by TCRegan



Series: Ascension of the Wolf [16]
Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TCRegan/pseuds/TCRegan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Blackwall's true identity is revealed, Anders wants to have a conversation.</p>
<p>Takes place between Passing Through the Valley and Origin of All Revolutions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ascension Missing Moments - Anders and Blackwall Reprise

**Author's Note:**

> jena13 suggested this moment and it was decided that it needed to be done.

"You still prefer the stables."

Anders leaned against the doorframe of the barn, arms crossed, looking at Blackwall. No, Thom Rainier. Maker, it was difficult. Judging him publicly had been easy. No man who fought as hard for their cause as Blackwall did could be tossed away. Not even one who had as sordid a past as him. Out of all the people Anders judged sitting on the mighty throne of Skyhold, he felt least qualified to judge the man sitting before him now. Cullen was angry and confused by it, and Anders dismissed him quickly. Hawke wanted to talk about it, but he ignored his advice. There was something too personal about his passing a sentence on Blackwall, something that while he could announce to the whole of the throne room that Blackwall was part of the Inquisition, remained unresolved between them.

Blackwall didn't look up, sitting by the fire, shoulders hunched. "Would you still have me inside your castle walls, knowing what I've done?"

Anders took a few tentative steps inside. "Yes."

"Then you're a bit of a fool, but it's your decision. I'd prefer the stables if it's all the same to you."

"You did nothing…" Anders sighed. "I remember what you said to me awhile back. About how I was willing to take responsibility for what I'd done. To pay the consequences."

"It's not the same."

Anders took another few steps inside, his boots scattering the hay on the ground. He crossed his arms, looking down at Blackwall, whose eyes never left the fire. "It is."

Blackwall sighed, then finally looked up. "You did what you did because you believed you had no choice. You wanted a better world for your people. _I_ did it for coin. That does not make us the same."

"No, but you didn't run. You saved an innocent man at the expense of your own life."

"And I didn't pay the price."

Anders knelt down, frowning when Blackwall looked away again. "But you would have. And if you can't forgive yourself, then I understand. I… I'm not sure I'm the right person to give you absolution. But I think that even if you weren't a good person then, you are now."

"Don't."

"All right." Anders wouldn't push. After all, he still struggled with his own nature, the things he'd done. He hoped in time that Blackwall would come to terms with his own past, and forgive himself. But it wasn't easy, and it might never happen. "Can I ask one more question?"

"I have a feeling you will anyway."

Anders frowned. "No. I'll leave you be if you want."

Blackwall shook his head. "Ask. Might as well get it all out in the open."

"About being a Grey Warden."

The silence hung between them a moment. And it was strange, Anders thought, that the hurt he felt at Blackwall's lie was less to do about his past and more to do about him not actually being a Grey Warden. Despite the troubles he had with Rolan, traveling with the Warden-Commander and the people he met at Vigil's Keep were some of the best times of his life. He'd been truly free from the Circle, using his magic for good, keeping people safe. He had friends who cared about him. Meeting Hawke was the only thing that surpassed that, and when he met Blackwall, he felt an instant camaraderie. But now…

"I'm not actually a Warden, no."

The sadness in the words spoken told Anders everything he needed to know. "Yes, you are. Just because you didn't go through the Joining-"

"That's the point, isn't it?"

"No, it's not. Wardens are selfless. They fight for a cause. It's a thankless job. And you embody all of that." Perhaps it was selfish of him, wanting Blackwall to believe this, wanting someone who could understand what he went through. After the loss of Stroud, though he never cared for him personally, Anders felt more melancholic the more he thought about the people he'd left behind in Amaranthine. His conversations with Fiona were short. She never wanted to discuss her travels. And while Blackwall wasn't fully indoctrinated, he reminded Anders of his brothers and sisters from the Vigil.

Blackwall merely shook his head. Anders looked around, feeling lost for a moment, before he spotted the silver flask on Blackwall's hip. "Drink?"

Blackwall removed it dutifully and handed it to him.

Anders cleared his throat. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant."

"Wait," Blackwall said, looking up quickly. "What are you-"

But Anders continued. "Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn."

"Inquisitor-"

"And should you perish," Anders whispered, unscrewing the top of the flask, "know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you." He sipped, coughing at the taste, and handed it to Blackwall. "Now you drink."

"I can't. It's-"

"I won't pull rank, but I want you to drink."

They stared at one another a moment, Anders watching Blackwall's eyes, full of sorrow, as the firelight danced and threw his face into shadow. Slowly, Blackwall reached up and took a sip, eyes still on Anders.

Anders smiled.

"I'll leave you to your contemplation then. Warden Blackwall," he said, and stood, dusting himself off.

He left the barn to find Hawke, in need of some quiet comfort, and hoped that Blackwall would find his own. Somehow.


End file.
